Where and how to begin, I am not quite sure. Perhaps I can write down my thoughts, in this uncertain time, with all that is happening. Perhaps someone down the road can read these words and gain an understanding at least of my perspective and thoughts of what is happening.

Word of what has happened has trickled to the islands and I wonder what will be our fate here. I would joke that Aesry is the land where nothing happens and now I am uncertain of that fact. Will this island and the others remain untouched, will we be a haven in this conflict or will we be scarred like all the rest.

 I am torn, I feel this desire to run off and help where I may against this Lyras, but where do I go, whom do I offer my services to? Do I as a citizen remain in Aesry and simply wait it out, training as best I can until the inevitable happens? Or, do I head to Shard or Hib or even Crossing or Theren and offer my services and what skills I have to perhaps help stem the flow before it crosses too far?

My wife, would that I could protect her from everything that could harm her. Do I ask her to come with me if I were to head south? Can I ask her to take that risk, is it fair to her? Is it fair to her to risk myself? I will save what ever decision I make until I talk to her. That would be the best way I think.

Why do all of my thoughts travel towards the gods now..and whether or not they exist? Perhaps it is because of the events that are happening now. From all that I have been told necromancy is an affront to them, yet they stand idly by and do not step in or aid us in any way. My only choice in this matter is to have faith in those around me, whom I call friend and family and to do what I feel is right.

I cannot deny that there is a larger power out there, something beyond what I can see and feel. Perhaps I am vain, but I would see it presented to me so I can believe in it fully. Perhaps it is good I am a Warrior Mage and not a Cleric, these lapses of faith would be horrible for one of them. I also cannot deny that they may very well see images of the 'gods' but then again I can make an image of another person simply from Aether. I am filled with such doubt, and yet I am so sure about so many other things. Would that I could find my path.
 

After many years, I have decided it is time, and to help myself keep up with everything that is occurring in my life, I thought it best to write them down lest I forget, which has been known to happen.

So, here I am in Ratha, sitting at a table at Kygar's pub, eating some of their popped corn, drinking some ale, and throwing darts, and basically doing what ever I can possibly to to avoid doing what I should do.  I will attempt to not bore whomeever stumbles on this journal, as this is more for my benifit than anything else.  I suppose I should try and sort out my own childhood first... My Father was Kaldar, and a Bard, not well reknown, but then again he wasnt unknown either.  My mother was Elven, and a Cleric.  Not the most logical pair you would think, but there could be other more interesting pairings, like a Thief and a Paladin...I am wandering...To the point at hand.  My father, being who he was, and as charming as he was, caused my mother to fall in love with him, or at least dally with him for a time.  I was the result of that pairing.  I do not remember much about her, she and my father had a horrific fight when I was young, and an empath was needed. On both sides.  That night, my mother had filled a few sacks with what ever she thought she may have needed, and slipped out, I never saw her again.  Being raised by my father was not all that horrible though, I still missed my mother...I still miss my mother to this day.  Dad taught me how to fight, and while I could not carry a tune in a bucket, I did have an affinity to magic, and so through many meetings I was introduced to the Warrior Mage guild leader in Crossing, Gauthus.  My days were filled with learning many things, how to fight, and how to sense the elemental mana around me, I saw less and less of my father, that is until the town guards would come to the house either escorting him home, or summoning me to carry him home from jail where he had slept off the prior nights libations.  

The drinking was more often, until it came to the point where he had few sober moments if any during the day or night, as much as I loved my father, I could not bear to see him this way, and on my 18th birthday I to slipped out of the house and made my way to the Tower.  Gauthus welcomed me, and begain my training in earnest.   One day while I was in the Targetted Range, a messenger approached me, He spoke to me of my father.  He had gone down the mineshaft near the Reavers, wearing nothing but a loincloth, and using a pot lid and an eating knife, he had attempted to fight those vile creatures.  The could not tell if he had been thrown, jumped or if he had been so drunk that he fell, but they found his body at the bottem of the mine shaft.  I was unsure how to take it, the situation itself was so comical, I had to laugh, and even to this day I still laugh.  I find it hard to believe that my father is gone now, Walked the Starry Road. He was a strong man, and proud, but perhaps the loss of my mother, and then my abandoning him, cause his fall as well.  Did I have a hand in pushing him down the mine shaft?

I put those thoughts out of my mind, and focused on my training, the first few circles flew by, and I begain to wander about, leaving the Crossings for the first time, and I headed north to Riverhaven.  I stayed there for a little while and returned back to Crossing.  I met some very interesting people, but one person I did meet, was my Sister.  Bethney, She was a Bardess, interesting how fate weaves things.  She was married to an Empath, Osakin, and they had a daughter Goswanna.  She of course was the Elder sister, she explained to me about our mother, and that she had been bonded to another, many years ago, but he had died in an Invasion long before I was born, and that our Mother had felt she must leave that home, and search for a new place to start fresh...hence My Father, and I .  

I must stop now, and Mention the Arcanum, because without that group, I would have never met my wife.  

I was yet under my 20th circle in the guild, more like an apprentice in that group, and they had me off here and there exploring this land, going on simple quests.  Expanding my mind, learning many things.  I was taking a long overdue and well earned break, Sitting outside the tower, when this Young Elven woman came up.  She was so beautiful it took my breath away, And still to this day I am in awe that one such as her would think to even dally with me, much less be bonded with me.  What can I say, I am a charmer like my Father.  The only difference is while Nyn and I have had our moments where I am sure she would want to cast some sort of spell at me, she has not, and for that I am thankful and love her even more than I thought I could.  She drives me to do more than I thought I could, to push myself and become something more.  Were I to leave her alone for a week, with nothing but my Familiar bringing her food and drink, she would not put her sword down long enough to nothing but sleep.  She is a Ferocious spirit, and then there is me, I Would love to bury my nose in a book, search for that one lost spell that everyone else has been looking for for years. Practice my magic until mana would burn holes in my robes. So she balances me, and I balance her.  

My hand is cramping and the light is poor here in this pub, I think I will continue this story later on.